Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
