I hate your face
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
