Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
