I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
