I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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