yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
