Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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