I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You have to summon your inner elephant
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize