Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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