and i looked up. we had an audience...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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