"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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