i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
