your parents love me but you hate me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
