Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize