Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize