oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
