i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She needs sedatives and a leash
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
