in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
