Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize