Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
