My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
