So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
