The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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