i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
