Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
