I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I will be naked everywhere
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
