I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
