no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
