Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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