Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
