It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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