He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
