I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
