Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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