Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
