Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
