My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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