Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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