For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
