Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
