I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
