i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
