I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
