So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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