Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
