If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
