did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
