Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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