zippers are such a cool invention
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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