I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
