Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
