I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
