Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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