Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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