im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
