if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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