High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
