ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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