I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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