I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I deserve this hangover.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
