I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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