My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
