once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
