Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
MIDGETS
????
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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