I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
