My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
