apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
