I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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