the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
