I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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